The Part of the Date Where He Mansplained the Real Problem with Disney’s The Little Mermaid

Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I know Disney’s The Little Mermaid is problematic. You’re right, the way the film objectifies Ariel and places all of her value in her looks and desire to be with a man she literally can’t talk to is disgusting. It sickens me because I’m a feminist, and I realize I’m talking over you, which I wouldn’t normally do since #metoo, but if I don’t explain the real problem with The Little Mermaid to you, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. This is a pivotal first date moment for both of us.

You sure you don’t want another wine? One more Moscow mule for me, she’s okay. Where was I? Oh, yeah, the real issue is the merfolk society. It doesn’t make any sense. For instance, what’s that next to your plate? A fork! Exactly! But Ariel, who speaks fluent English mind you, she finds a fork, and she’s like, “What is this thing I’ve never seen before?” Does she think to herself, “Hey, this looks like a mini version of the trident my father carries around with him, but this has four prongs, so I guess it’s a mini quaddent”? No! Instead she asks a bird, and the bird calls it a dinglehopper and she’s chill with that answer. You have to ask yourself why? 

The answer is far worse than the possessive, toxic masculinity displayed by her father. Hold on, I’ll let you respond when I finish explaining back to you what I think you are trying to say. Sure, the idea of a half-woman wanting to marry a whole man within days of meeting him is an issue, but where did she get that idea from? From her upbringing. We’re looking at the film all wrong. It’s gross from a human perspective, but what about from a merperson’s perspective? 

Why didn’t she ever motion for a pen and paper to write to Eric? Sure, sure, I guess they could speak a different language and it was translated for the sake of the audience, but I don’t see how that’s relevant. The real reason is because, in murculture, mergirls are taught to be subservient and second to the mermen, and that’s it. They’re raised to be dumb so they don’t ask too many questions. You don’t look as shocked about this as you should be. No I’m not drinking this too fast.

Anyway, presumably, there’s a co-evolution here. Either the fish that became humans on land had less committed cousins, or there were some intense, but probably loving moments between a Trirachodon and an unidentified fish. Either way, the merfolk had plenty of time to create their own form of mergovernment… or, like, no government at all. But they chose a monarchy. Right there, I think that’s the key! 

Ask yourself this: Why, of all the governments the merpeople could have instilled, they set up a mernarchy? Does that make any sense to you? What do you mean you never thought of it? You never wondered why dolphins – the smartest animals in the ocean – are enslaved and forced into the role of a common horse, while stereotypically offensive Jamaican crabs who want to keep tabs on everyone get the role of advisor to the king?

Monarchies are suppression machines, they’re meant to keep the poor down and the rich in power. Some merman (and it’s always a merman) noticed how well the monarchies controlled the humans and swam with it. Is it starting to become clear now? The merpeople are dumb, but savage. Mermaids are seen as property to perform for the mermen. The mermen are vicious, warring creatures afraid of any kind of dissent. They systematically crushed any free thought, oppressed and ostracized intelligent species like the dolphins, the whales, Ursula, and the other octopeople. I know you probably think it’s sad and offensive to see a one-dimensional characterization of a fish gal wanting legs and a man she knows nothing about, but to Ariel, being human is a step up from the dark world she’s known. 

The problem isn’t that Disney’s The Little Mermaid is a poor representation of women’s nuanced desires and worth! The problem is that merpeople are even worse than humans, and if we don’t fix the merfolk problems, then how can we even think about addressing anything else in the film? 

Yes, I know I brought up The Little Mermaid first, but you were the one who asked me how I felt about it after I asked you how you felt about it, so really, I’m only talking about this because you wanted to.    

A bit much? Oh, so you’re okay pointing out the problematic parts of the film when they deal with the negative impact on a young girl’s view of herself, but when I talk about the systemic problems propagating those ideas, you want to say I’m “overthinking a kids movie.” That’s rich! You can’t have it both ways. Why’d you even agree to this date? Didn’t you read my bio? I said, “I think about The Little Mermaid a lot 😜” What did you think that meant? Where are you going?  

Okay, leave! Fuck you! I’m a gentleman! You’re missing out on a good guy! I’m a good guy! Hi, yeah, waiter, I’m a feminist and that “fuck you” was hurled at her to let her know we’re equals. Speaking of equality, how does this work if she and I were going to split the check. Technically, she’s dining and dashing, and I am certainly not paying for someone else’s criminal activities. 

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Alex Sargeant is a writer, artist, and creator of videos at The Layman. If you like what you’ve read, please consider subscribing to get more writings sent to your inbox every Thursday.